No poem tonight. But I do have some things on shared language and meaning I wanted to get down.
I worked and taught on a four-year state college campus from 2008 to 2014. Sometimes, while hanging out with peers and coworkers, whenever I would volunteer a real and thoughtful take on something in response to a question or as part of a conversation, I got used to hearing the response, “Who says that?” or “Who talks like that?”.
Often, I would respond, “Me. I do. I just said what I said”.
I felt like I wasn’t being understood which made me question my identity, and my mental capacity on more than one occasion. Eventually, I decided it was best to give short inconsequential answers, or to just listen to the conversation without participating. I started to feel bored and boring. And I was.
I did eventually make friends with people who genuinely wanted to talk and share ideas. But still that response haunts me: “Who says that?”.
There’s no faster way to shut down a connection with people than by gatekeeping against the very language they use in conversation. I strive to be generous and authentic in my interactions with people because … well … life is short, and I would rather make a meaningful connection with someone, and be present in the moment than only swap quotes, gossip, and entertainment news (not that those don’t also have their place).
And of course, there’s nowhere in the world where authentic communication is less welcome than the workplace. This adds a special extra layer of hell for me every day. My desire not to engage in small talk strikes some people I work with as rude, others as arrogant, and others still as unprofessional. I don’t consider myself any of those things, and I can’t control the way others judge me, so I just carry on with my day hoping that it passes by faster than not.
In order to adapt to these COVID-influenced times, I’m sure I have become more introverted than I was. After all this, I certainly started to think of myself as an introvert. However, I no longer believe that’s true. The role has been placed on me, but it’s not how I would have it.
I still dream sometimes of a successful life as an author and an artist that would allow me to throw lavish holiday parties for all of my friends and acquaintances, with food, drinks, music, dancing, games, conversation, and plenty of rooms for people to crash overnight.
I recognize that culture probably isn’t going to change, but I encourage all of you reading this to allow yourselves to be vulnerable and share thoughts and ideas that extend beyond whatever viral topic has seized the moment. Be present where you are, with those you are with, and remember that our experience is unique even while we share the language we use to create and represent it for others.
Above all, that’s what I mean when I say:
Be good to each other.
~Bacchus
