i know it’s just my brain
Scattershot poetry, prose, art, and assorted creative ammunition. A celebration of desire, language, and the revel of life through craft and frequent writing practice.
Tuesday, August 31, 2021
Depression
i know it’s just my brain
Monday, August 30, 2021
Looming Abyss
don't panic
Adventure, Part 1
Sunday, August 29, 2021
My Favorite Color
Saturday, August 28, 2021
Deconstruction
Friday, August 27, 2021
Half My Life
Thursday, August 26, 2021
When It Was Still New
Wednesday, August 25, 2021
Off Season
while the hostess tried to throw him out.
Tuesday, August 24, 2021
Sacrilege
like a Ghostbuster toaster,
dad awash in wine,
Week One
In the first week I managed eleven posts. This post and my poem today will make thirteen.
What have I learned so far?
1. A minimum of one poem a day worth of creative output along with my other endeavors is achievable.
2. Forcing myself to put ideas together into a poem inspires me to work on other creative projects such as D&D adventures, short stories, and nonfiction pieces.
3. I feel awakened to, and on the look-out for, creative inspiration everywhere.
4. My inner critic is a real asshole.
I definitely started to lag a bit in the last two days, but I realized that the lag was not from a lack of motivation, but rather a fear of failure fueled by my inner critic.
But “fear of failure” is not quite right either. It was fully the asshole bully in my brain telling me, “Well, that’s not good enough. Are you really going to post that? So, we’re just phoning it in now? This is a little bit ‘Hallmark’, no? No one is going to read this shit. Too depressing. Too hopeful. Too short.” Blah blah blah …
Turning that voice off and just writing and condensing without overthinking it is much, much harder than I thought.
In terms of readership, the blog has 99 hits. Thank you to my friends who continue to share the links on their social media. I might look into getting on Facebook or Twitter, just to have another platform to encourage readership.
Also, I strongly encourage people to post comments on the poems here. Please engage with the material even if it's just to say you liked it, or didn't get it, or whatever.
Into the next week!
Be good to each other.
~MS
Monday, August 23, 2021
The Lie of i
Sunday, August 22, 2021
At The Edge of The Storm
Saturday, August 21, 2021
Shoreward
My inner mountebank’s incessant talk
which can dilute a poison but not cure
Friday, August 20, 2021
Nerd Haiku
Thursday, August 19, 2021
Doors 1
I lived in Queens, New York for a short time. It was there, on a street off of Jamaica Avenue that I saw the first door outside of a movie or illustration that made me think, This doesn't belong here.
There in the middle of a residential block was a squat brick building with a tree growing out front. On either side of the old stone steps were high flowering plants and vines. At the top of the steps was a rickety, gray, wooden door, uneven in its frame and an inch off it's threshold. Poking out underneath was a folded corner of black tarp.
I was mesmerized. It was the strangest cross between urban poverty and a fairy tale I had ever seen. I took a picture of it, but now, sadly, I'm not sure where that picture is.
The significance of doors, doorways, windows, portals, and thresholds is everywhere in our stories and those of our predecessors. Since that first experience in Queens, I have loved photographing them and will undoubtedly continue to do so.
Here are a few recent photos I captured while in upstate New York.
The three people that lived there all had radically different tastes and were from different walks of life. One was a college English professor who also loved music and played in a band; One was a college graduate student and Teaching Assistant, and the woman who lived upstairs was a retired lawyer who now smoked large quantities of pot, practiced yoga and gave free legal advice.
I wandered between those three apartments that night experiencing something like euphoria as the very texture of space changed from apartment to apartment to apartment.
Cross the threshold into the hallway, then through the next door.
One quiet with a large group of grad students and professors sitting on couches, passing joints and pipes, and occasionally commenting of the film playing on a large flat screen television in the living room. In the adjoining kitchen, whispered conversations by candlelight between four poets and a student about the nature of language and subjectivity.
On the other hand, if you're lucky enough to be fully present and aware when you pass through a doorway into a new space, it can be like interdimensional travel or traveling in time. Try it out the next time you visit a strange place.
Mom's Scars
panicked screaming,
heavy thumps followed by glass shattered
a neighbor called it in
the police came faster than before
and dragged her raging from the house
heels through the jagged shards of broken ashtray
onto the porch in smears of blood
I didn’t call them I swear to god
they handcuffed the man’s bruised fists behind him
he didn't resist
you bitch, you fucking bitch
drunken, red eyes rolling,
a running gash along the forearm
from a suicide threat
three children
two girls holding hands with a boy of five
emerged behind the rest
and stood crying together on the
yellowed lawn
but the police said the woman was hysterical
shut the fuck up you stupid bitch
slammed her head in the cruiser door
the children saw her finally relent
from the eyebrow gash
a cascade of red painting the eye shut
an officer led her to the grass where her children hugged her and cried
and the police took their father away
so there was peace
for those two days
Rules For A-Poem-A-Day
I can see how this is going to be a challenge, in part because my critical side is already looking over those previous poems and proposing changes ... A LOT of changes. But that's not the point.
In my opening post I said I would write a poem a day, so here are some rules I am going to follow in this quest to force myself to be creative without overthinking it:
I will go back to change the improper spelling of a word in a poem I have published here. Otherwise, once it's published, it's done, warts and all.
For the "utilitarian edit" part: Changing font style or size for ease of readability seems like a good thing to do, so let me know in the comments if something is hard to read.
Also, I just realized that - to keep me honest - I am either going to go back and put "Poem-A-Day" in parenthesis of the titles of the poems that count toward this project, or apply a "Poem-A-Day" label of some kind ... probably a label.PS - If you didn't know, you can click on labels under the "Labels" tab to the right to get posts with only a specific label applied. It's a way for Blogs to have an index, and that's something I probably feel a little too enthusiastic about.
2. No Previously Written or Published Poems
You deserve poetry fresh-squeezed from my brain (it tastes better) AND copy-pasting some old thing I wrote years ago would defeat the purpose of this project.
So, even if I post two poems in a day because I'm feeling inspired, that second poem doesn't count toward the next day. It's just an extra poem. Extra awful or maybe extra good poetry for you!
Each day is a fresh start and a new poem with a midnight deadline for posting.
3. No Days Off
Even if it's just a few lines, I have to publish a new poem, one that I consider to be complete, by midnight each day.
The only reason I would not post is if there is a serious technology error, but since Blogger is pretty awesome about even letting me access, compose and post from my phone, I doubt that will be an issue ... unless I drop my phone in a toilet, or throw it in the ocean ... you know, normal stuff.
In any case, if a day did come that I didn't post a poem, be sure that soon after there would be many mea culpas and probably some incriminating photos that you could use to threaten me in the future ... or something.
Well, I think that's it for now.
Be good to each other.
~MS
Wednesday, August 18, 2021
We Forgot Our Mr. Rogers
It only took twenty years to forget our Mr. Rogers.
We forgot to be good neighbors
and that when we get mad
we can choose to stop.
Remember,
he told us that it's good to stop
when we're doing something wrong,
and good to know that we
can make that choice.
And now, when
the whole world seems mad,
it's good to know
we can make that choice.
Just remember:
We can stop any time.
We can stop any time.
We can stop any time.
We can stop any time.
Tuesday, August 17, 2021
Another Night
In the hospital waiting room
my father dozed
in a wheelchair, wrapped in a stained white sheet
to stave off the cold
blasting down from above.
My mother complained
about the wait,
the white noise,
the nurse's questions,
my father's stubbornness.
Six feet across from us
sat a woman with a bruise healing under one eye,
and a very small girl
in a pink dress,
her tiny arm in a yellow sling.
The girl was solemn.
She turned to the woman and said,
"It's gonna be night-night time?"
The woman squinted out the window.
The glass and hoods of parked cars threw back hot white sunlight
that punched through the haze of the summer day.
"Silly," she said. "It's the middle of the afternoon."
The girl looked at my father,
then at her bruised arm,
then at her feet, and whispered,
"It's night-night time all day long."
Morning
Eyes cracked when morning broke
and spilled its viscous vicious yolk
on my pallid face before I begin
benign, well at least anodyne,
ready again to take it on the chin.
Glassy-eyed anxious stomach churning
first thirst purpose unquenched and burning
feet scuffing a cold wooden floor
to play again against a dim despair
the way it wends its course, the snake,
the force of will it takes
to make it through the door.
What Am I Doing Here?
For starters, minimally, I am going to try to write at least one poem a day. The goal is to turn off my over-critical ego, write, and post by midnight.
In addition to the poetry, I might do some other stuff: prose, photos, drawings ... things that bring me a sense of fulfillment, and hopefully things that you like to look at, but crossover there is not guaranteed.
I'm looking forward to hearing thoughts and engaging with my readers/viewers, but please be kind to each other. I will delete assholes ... unless they're funny.
Next post will likely be a poem.
Be awesome.
~MS
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